i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
