Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize