If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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