You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
