if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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