I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
