Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
