Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
