Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
