What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
