I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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