last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Randomize
