"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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