Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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