Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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