I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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