I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My bed smells like the plague
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
