I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
