Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
