i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
