so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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