She went from zero to smokin in five shots
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize