We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
