He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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