I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
