the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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