are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
