i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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