guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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