I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
