she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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