Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
