So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
