i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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