i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I could fuck to npr.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
