Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
