when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
