Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE