i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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