Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant

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  (425): be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant http://tfl.nu/mya3
  Replies (36) Good night (949) Bad night (4865)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

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  (832): I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone. http://tfl.nu/f9qv
  Replies (24) Good night (5596) Bad night (1253)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.

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  (519): Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn. http://tfl.nu/jg1z
  Replies (7) Good night (1248) Bad night (2766)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

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  (240): Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic. http://tfl.nu/gchg
  Replies (5) Good night (4476) Bad night (1688)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo

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  (317): We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo http://tfl.nu/qbn3
  Replies (14) Good night (926) Bad night (1889)
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  (714): View more from California

  Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.

  (1-714): View more from California

  If he was naked that was me.

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  (714): Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed. (1-714): If he was naked that was me. http://tfl.nu/ou2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4927) Bad night (786)
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  (916): View more from California

  I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay

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  (916): I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay http://tfl.nu/vfh5
  Replies (13) Good night (1124) Bad night (2249)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.

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  (281): I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that. http://tfl.nu/d3y7
  Replies (7) Good night (631) Bad night (1455)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.

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  (770): Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station. http://tfl.nu/w23s
  Replies (7) Good night (1277) Bad night (906)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.

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  (337): Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday. http://tfl.nu/gphh
  Replies (1) Good night (1079) Bad night (583)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me

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  (516): I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me http://tfl.nu/lsz4
  Replies (16) Good night (3040) Bad night (697)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.

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  (630): I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME. http://tfl.nu/7nql
  Replies (11) Good night (1627) Bad night (619)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.

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  (608): She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws. http://tfl.nu/2p61
  Replies (0) Good night (812) Bad night (446)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.

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  (636): he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting. http://tfl.nu/kcge
  Replies (2) Good night (805) Bad night (369)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.

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  (580): You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/u7z8
  Replies (0) Good night (547) Bad night (281)

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