I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
