Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.