Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it