We're facebook friends in real life
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.