I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
25 Worst Things to Say When Someone is Struggling Through Depression
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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