seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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