He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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