All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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