Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
