Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
