My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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