the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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