dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
