Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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