If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
