franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
