the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
