In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
