The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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