Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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