in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
