I just pynch a tree in the face
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
