we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
