The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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