I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
