a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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