I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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