theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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