I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
As shirtless as possible
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
