I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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