it hurts more in the daytime
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
