This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
