You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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