I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize