kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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