i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
