i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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