i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
