i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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