It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
