Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
