people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My liver just had a heart attack.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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