Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
