Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize