No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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