Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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