this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Boobs speak an international language.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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